Romance scams that target older daters, and how to report them

What a romance scam is

A romance scam, also called romance fraud, is when someone fakes a romantic or sexual interest in you to get money, personal details or intimate images. The relationship is the tool. Scammers often run several conversations at once, and the photos on the profile may belong to someone else entirely.

It isn't only people looking for love who are targeted. Anyone who is open, kind and talking to strangers online is a candidate, including people who just want something casual.

How big the problem is

Romance fraud is large, growing and falls hardest on people in later life. According to Report Fraud, 10,784 romance fraud reports were made in the UK in 2025, with losses of more than £102 million, a 29 per cent rise in reports on 2024. The average loss was about £9,500, and people aged 55 to 74 accounted for nearly half of the total stolen.

Australians reported $28.6 million in romance scam losses to Scamwatch in 2025, across 1,330 people, up 21.8 per cent on the year before, according to the National Anti-Scam Centre. In Ireland, the Gardaí recorded 31 romance fraud cases in the first five months of 2022 alone, with losses of €812,715; victims ranged in age from 27 to 69, and all but one had met the suspect through a dating app or social media.

Those are only the cases people reported. Many never are, often out of embarrassment, which is exactly what scammers count on.

How a romance scam usually unfolds

The details vary; the shape doesn't.

1. The approach. A warm, flattering message, often from a polished profile. They seem to share your interests and values, sometimes uncannily so. The National Anti-Scam Centre calls this mirroring.
2. The move. Within days they suggest leaving the site for texts, private messaging apps or social media, where there's no reporting button and no one watching.
3. The bond. Daily messages, intense affection, plans for the future. They ask a lot about you and say little that can be checked about themselves. Stories sometimes contradict earlier ones, a sign the Gardaí point to, because scammers juggle several targets at once.
4. The obstacle. They can't meet or video call: working overseas, serving in the military, stuck behind travel restrictions. The webcam is always broken.
5. The ask. Small at first, then growing: money for an emergency, a ticket to come and see you, a gift, gift cards, an "investment" or cryptocurrency. Each request comes with urgency and a reason not to tell anyone.

Why casual dating isn't immune

Casual daters get a different script, but the ending is the same. Expect flattering attention from someone on the other side of an age gap who is unusually keen, unusually quick and unusually unavailable to meet.

Because intimate conversation is part of casual dating, watch for a newer twist: sextortion. That's when someone encourages you to share private photos, then threatens to send them to your family unless you pay. It is extortion and a crime. Don't pay, stop replying, keep the evidence and report it to the police.

The protection is the same either way. A person who wants a casual arrangement with you will want to meet you. Someone who wants your money will always have a reason not to. Our age-gap casual dating guide covers how generosity and money should, and shouldn't, figure in an arrangement.

What scam messages can sound like

The wording changes, but the stories repeat. These are made-up examples of the kinds of lines that should make you stop, not quotes from real messages:

The warning signs, in one list

• They declare strong feelings very quickly.
• They want to move off the site straight away.
• They won't or can't video call, and every planned meeting falls through.
• Their story has gaps or changes.
• They ask for money, gift cards, crypto, bank details, copies of your passport or driving licence, or remote access to your computer or phone.
• They offer investment advice or tips.
• They tell you to keep it secret, or make you feel foolish for checking.

What to do the moment you're suspicious

Stop, check with someone you trust, and keep the evidence. In order:

1. Stop sending anything. No money, no codes, no documents, no photos.
2. Talk to someone you trust. The National Anti-Scam Centre recommends it before you send money or personal details. A friend who isn't emotionally involved sees things more clearly.
3. Keep the evidence. Screenshots of the profile and messages, usernames, phone numbers, bank details you were given, receipts.
4. Report the profile in the members area, then block the person.
5. Call your bank if you've paid anything. In the UK, call 159 to reach your bank safely.

Where to report

Report to the official service for where you live; the table shows which one.

If an intimate image of you has been shared, or someone is threatening to share one, the Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults in the UK, and StopNCII.org can help adults anywhere stop images being posted on participating platforms. Country-by-country support numbers are on our UK, Australia and Ireland pages.

Looking after yourself afterwards

Being scammed is upsetting, and it happens to sharp, sensible people. It says more about how practised scammers are than about your judgement. In Australia, Lifeline (13 11 14) and Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) are there if you need to talk. Wherever you are, tell someone close to you; carrying it alone is what the scammer wanted.

Be wary of anyone who gets in touch afterwards offering to recover your money for a fee. Deal only with your bank and the official reporting services.

For the wider picture, see our safety and consent page and the meeting-safely checklist.